Paul Simms' "Attention, People of Earth" (short story, humor, free): Earth just received a "friendly" message from aliens
It's a long message, but this piece is representative: "We mean you no harm. Truth be told, there is a faction of us who want to completely annihilate you."
They're almost here - should be landing in just "four hundred and fifty to five hundred years"!
Fact sheet.First published: The New Yorker, 21 September 2009.
Download full text from publisher's site.